


I Smile

by nuestinsync



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Reader-Interactive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22246183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuestinsync/pseuds/nuestinsync
Summary: good ole baekmin
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun/Kang Dongho | Baekho
Comments: 10
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

Dongho wasn't very good at hiding his feelings. This was becoming slightly more problematic than usual now that he'd been dumped. Usually his grimaces in social situations were sufficient but lately he was rather pitiful at hiding his sadness. His philosophy these days was to smile, even when it hurt, and to not show his friends more cause for worry. He had to be on campus everyday and there was no avoiding the fact. 

The fact could see them at any moment and while being on his guard but he just had to smile. He had to keep going and not just for his own sake; the days were getting shorter and it was harder for him to get up and go to classes. He, Jonghyun and Mingi would routinely meet most nights or at least on days when their classes overlapped. When Aaron would join, a senior with a little less time on his hands, Dongho felt a bit more whole. He felt supported by this family, like the falling back that he'd begun when his heart had been broken was just a smaller facet of himself, something he knew was temporary but still cherished as a memento and loathed to part with. 

First, he had a new routine. He knew how not to bump into his ex, who was usually found at the chemistry department and at certain cafes on campus. So, he'd at least saved some face. It had been months since he'd seen them and he considered himself safe to venture alone on the campus; it was pretty and green and a shame to waste on his walking breaks between studying. 

And yet, he had accounted for _not_ bumping into a certain someone and not for another kind of awkward encounter.

Dongho's downfall was the volume of the music he was enraptured by, meaning he was bopping aggressively and somehow neglected to notice the six foot tree approaching in the opposite direction. 

"OUCH!"  
"AH!"  
"Try looking where you're going!"  
"I-I- hey! Maybe if you had stayed out of someone else's way you wouldn't have been hit!"  
"You made me spill it - that could have been hot coffee!"

Dongho glanced down and sure enough, a reddish purple stain had spread across the man's hand and coat. He finally had the decency to look sheepish. "Sorry. I usually don't - I just stopped to check my phone. Do you - need some help?" Dongho asked, rearranging his cap on his head just to have something to do with his hands. 

"I'm fine. Watch where you're going next time." the man said more softly, clearly not a bad tempered guy, his eyes blinking rapidly. 

"I will, I swear" Dongho looked at him earnestly, it was kind of cute how his big front teeth poked out slightly when he was being contrite and absent-mindedly left his mouth slightly open. His eyes still expressed some anxiety but instead of seeming aggressive in his all black hoodie and cap outfit, he just looked dwarfed by the clothes and his widened eyes added to the cuteness. 

Minhyun nodded and walked briskly away before he could dwell further. The sticky grapefruit juice stain on his sleeve commanded his attention.


	2. Chapter 2

Today was the day Dongho saw his campus counsellor. Since his breakup took a toll on his self-esteem and overall mental health, he had finally reached out for help and despite his reluctance, he hadn't cancelled an appointment as of yet. 

It wasn't a therapist but it was still someone who would impartially listen to as well as prompt him and give him a nudge in the right direction to improving his bad mental habits and insecurities that had sprung up and wouldn't leave him alone. He was grateful. He more often than not walked away with a lot to think about and new habits to make in order to tackle the repressed emotions he had only now been able to recognise. However grateful he was, he couldn't deny the inconvenience of returning to classes with swollen eyes and a pinkness to his features.

At lunch, he hid under his hat as he sat with Mingi and Jonghyun. The last thing he wanted to show was his self-consciousness but old insecurities die hard, he guessed. His friends only had to glance at him to know what had happened or moreover, from his silence, where he'd been.

Dongho dug into his chicken sandwich heartily. 

"Stop staring at me"

"Staring? Who's staring?"

Mingi threw him a cheeky smile and returned to arguing his case that the two biggest couch potatoes he knew should get out this weekend.

"Ok, I know you don't drink but do you even remember the last time you were at a party, well for other reasons, like, I don't know, that it was NEARLY A YEAR AGO?"

Jonghyun and Dongho rolled their eyes individually, Jonghyun following the game action on his screen fixedly instead of the melodramatics of his close, dearest friend. In his own way, he acknowledged Dongho's vulnerable state by feeding him his next sandwich while barely looking away from his screen. Dongho grinned, thankful. The message was understood.

While Mingi was busy glaring between the two, Aaron arrived, squeezing him in a backhug for a second before leaping away from his retribution. 

"Whaddup" 

Aaron sat down unceremoniously, looking pale and drained already and it was only 1 pm. 

"Aaron, Mingi wants to crash a party with our presence, the two anti-social kids taking unpopular majors." Dongho replied, nonplussed, before biting into the next dish on his tray.

Aaron guffawed, covering his mouth. Mingi swatted his arm, whining "You're supposed to help me convince these hopeless juniors that you, a senior," here, he pokes Aaron's chest lightly "can't possibly condone them wasting away in campus rooms the last year before graduation! passing up fun times and healing - healing friendship moments to remember forever!" he finished his spiel with a flourish, as if he were waiting for applause. Actor Mingi had entered once again.

Aaron just looked on, bemused. By now, Jonghyun had noticed how tired he looked, his posture also slacking, and was beginning to berate him when Dongho looked away, his eye caught by someone. Someone who was wearing a juice-soaked coat was waving the sleeve in his direction. The person this arm belonged to was of course the classically handsome guy Dongho had aggravated earlier. Well, they kind of ended it on good terms. The guy was sort of abrupt with how he walked off but now the memory had already faded with the appearance of the beaming smile shot Dongho's way. Wow, ok. This was different. Dongho raised his arm...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still open to any ideas big or small :)


	3. Chapter 3

Dongho should _not_ be putting any energy into picking a guy up in the cafeteria. If anything, he should be getting on with a rebound, he doesn't want to waste anyone's time. But coming back to his main point, he shouldn't be sitting here with Hwang Minhyun, grapefruit juice guy, because he should be in the library, or in the studio. Of late, he has barely been in his favourite studio room longer than absolutely necessary. Something he has to work on. All of his thoughts led him back to the undeniable fact that he's too busy and too fragile to be entertaining the idea of Hwang Minhyun. 

Returning his wave warily, checking that he hadn't caught any attention, Dongho had watched the grapefruit juice guy walk towards their table, still smiling. The rest of his friends shared surprised looks (Dongho had other friends?) and prepared to watch with rapt attention, but pretending to continue whatever they had been doing. 

It was a natural smile, Dongho admired it for that. He hardly knew if he ever smiled like that in school now, he knew his friends just read his types of smiles well, including the fake. Unlike how he saw himself, this guy's smile was one that set you at ease. He began to worry where his thoughts were taking him. Before he could panic prematurely, Dongho-style, the man put his tray down and sat beside him at the large table. _That's the last spare seat, Dongho. Stop reading into things._

"I'm Hwang Minhyun, by the way. So, I feel like I should say sorry for earlier too." Minhyun blinked hard, still maintaining eye contact with Dongho who, yes, now had the time to appreciate his looks up close and was having his own internal struggle.

"I sort of expected you to move out the way. Which I shouldn't have. Guess I'm a bit too presumptuous? Like making you sit with me..." Minhyun chuckled lightly, his eyes trying to figure out whether Dongho was uncomfortable around him now. 

"No no no! Uh, not at all... We both were wrong I'm Dongho, uh, Kang Dongho." Dongho cleared his throat, steering the mood to less awkward introductions. "These are my friends, Jonghyun, Mingi, Aaron..." he continued, gesturing to them each as Aaron rose and, giving them an apologetic look, greeted Minhyun and waved the rest of them off to get to his next class.

"Dongho hasn't told us about you! Hm..." 

Mingi, eyes twinkling and mouth smirking with undisguised mischief, interrupted whatever conversation was petering out between the two.

"So, what were the unfortunate circumstances which led our Dongho to meet Hwang Minhyun, Pledis University's star actor and visual?"

Minhyun laughed obnoxiously, yet somehow so carefree as to be cute. Dongho's thoughts whirred into overdrive. 

Yes, it had been a few months and his counsellor said he had been doing better, to the point that he hadn't had to pay out for an actual therapist but in the back of his mind, Dongho knew his broken self could offer much less to someone new than he wanted to. Dating. Maybe he was ready in some ways but parts of him could never be ready again, he knew, he just wasn't that naive anymore. Ironically, the naivety, or the plain-as-day blinding cheerfulness of Hwang Minhyun was already enough to pull him in. _You're not even friends yet, Dongho. And with how you're doing, do you think he even wants to be?_

While Dongho had withdrawn from the conversation, Mingi had teased and endeared himself into a budding friendship with the acting student. Apart from a friendly smile and few words, Jonghyun was absorbed with a game or whoever he was messaging, probably Taeyong. 

Mingi nudged Dongho across the table. "What's up with you? Daydreaming? Dongho makes music, Minhyun, so you'll often find that despite appearances he's not here, he is _unavailable_ ". Mingi raised his eyebrows at Dongho, grinning good-naturedly, while Minhyun turned his inquisitive eyes back to his quiet seat neighbour. He'd assumed he'd probably made a lasting bad impression and he'd have to try harder next time to make it up to Dongho.

To Dongho's chagrin, before he could defend himself from the teasing, Mingi reached across and pinched his cheek. 

"Hey!" Dongho blushed and clutched his cheek, conscious only of Minhyun's booming laughter. How was that still cute? 

"Sorry!" Mingi laughed, clearly the opposite of sorry, "Ah, but you're going through a writing block... Maybe if you had more time... Minhyun, maybe you could help." He turned his gaze back to the amused newcomer and if you didn't know him any better, you might think his expression portrayed innocent inquiry, not calculated glee. 

"Dongho needs a tutor for some classes and you're a famous bonafide campus genius. Help him out? You said he made you spill juice on yourself, maybe Dongho can help with singing or compensation some other way..." Mingi finished, the perfect guileless smile playing on his face.

Dongho turned to Minhyun too late, ready to deny everything and laugh off Mingi's meddling, when Minhyun beat him to it.

"I'd love to! We could help each other out - like you said, it was both our faults" Minhyun flashed a ready smile, seemingly oblivious to Mingi's suggestiveness. 

Dongho blushed a little deeper and nodded his thanks. Too late for a polite "no" now. He glared unabashedly at his best friend when Minhyun wasn't looking, who stoically ignored his look and went back to eating. His demeanor seemed to say, go on, I did my bit, be grateful and talk to the guy!

Dongho struggled with newfound insecurity and above all, a new attraction, to someone so obviously sweet like Minhyun. A little crush can grow pretty fast, he knew that first-hand. Too fast.

"I really have to go now, but we barely got to talk... I'll give you my number and we can study together?" Minhyun said, a little shyly now. Dongho's mouth hung open slightly but he controlled his expression and looked up at Minhyun, cracking his own smile.

"Sure. Here." He handed his phone over gingerly. It hurt to get your hopes up. But like his mantra said, he'll just smile.

When Minhyun had entered his number, said his goodbyes and hurried to theatre club, Dongho sighed loudly and set his head in his hands, staring up at Mingi.

"WHAT. Are. You. Doing?" 

He knew the answer but it didn't stop him from asking. Mingi shrugged his shoulders elegantly, like everything he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did this real quick sorry hope you like
> 
> edit: i have to go on hiatus in my last semester, but i'll try to practice & i can feel i'm writing better and hopefully longer chapters :) see you soon in march (short update) <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little mini chapter about baekho's break up

what was all of it for?

baekho wondered, alone in the dark of his room, just the glow of a small engraved lightstand to illuminate the bedroom. it seemed like they would be fine three months ago, like they had plenty of time together and he would never need to savour the cuddles on the sofa outside, the comfortable silence in his room when they sat on opposite sides studying to the sound of the rain on his skylight window. he was just getting used to whatever they had, to then have to confront the reminders in his apartment the morning after they split apart. he'd never let anyone else break his heart over a few text messages ever again. he was the fool, the idiot who never asked for anything more, just the intimacy they fell into in the rosier outset of their college life. 

he didn't blame mingi or anyone else. mingi had supported him tentatively, he knew baekho needed more from whomever he dated, but he told baekho he'd never seen him happier and that was that. mingi was the first to notice when things weren't so good. you don't laugh anymore, he had said.

baekho was in denial and he thought maybe he could hold onto the relationship with an emotionally distant partner as long as they came back to each other. maybe it was just him, too much time on his hands when others' schedules were packed, including his ex-boyfriend's. maybe they were perfect for each other but circumstances might stay like this while exams took their toll.

wish i would've known that wasn't me you were looking for. baekho had sent the text recklessly, foolheartedly believing that he could find some closure in laying the blame, laying his bitterness at someone else's doorstep and running. he couldn't and the aftermath told him as much when he got no text back and no closure came his way. music was his only solace until he heard a lyric, or rather misheard it. "we don't love anymore". he had cried then, because he still loved and they didn't, and so he let himself cry harder into the phone. mingi always picked up.

living as strangers in the same city felt so wrong when baekho had learned the city like a map on his hand together, with him. sometimes he wished he could bridge the gap and they could be just friends. going for coffee nearby his apartment like they always did. every saturday, that was how it was before. he's just too afraid that he'd be wrong, that it could never be like that even though it hadn't been his suggestion, but the final words he was left with.

if they became friends, baekho rationalised, then he would have to talk about moving on and his ex would be telling him who it was. who had done it better than he could, who had his love now, who he was looking at just like he had looked at him before. he didn't want to play a game, the only thing he knew he could do, to show he was moving on and to keep the disappointment from his eyes. he wasn't good at that, he'd been told he had expressive eyes and he believed it. he had never played games before with those he loved and he didn't want to start. he turned over in his sheets and laid his head deeper into the crook of his arm.

a year but what was it all for?

**Author's Note:**

> comment if you want this to be a series and/or what you want to happen and i will read them all fr!


End file.
